Vacation Life Hacking

Inspired by this website, I proudly present to you:


Step-by-Step Instructions for Weaseling Your Way Out Of Rental Car Damage:

The trick here is all in what you tell the agent when you rent the car.  Do your work early, and this whole experience can work in your favor.

Step #1.  Decline any and all insurance at the time of rental.  However, tell the agent that you are interested, and will probably return to buy the insurance when your friend gets in town.  After all, you need to come back to add him as a designated driver, anyway.

Step #2.  Inflict some damage to the car, as shown below.
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Step #3.  Panic.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Freak out, my friend.  Realize that this could cost you a pretty penny.  Desperation will actually be your ally in this situation.

Step #4.  Use said desperation to somehow pound a dent out of a bumper with your bare hands.

Step #5.  Continue about your vacation as normal, except for the crippling fear that will linger in the back of your mind anytime you think about the damaged vehicle.

Step #6.  Return to the rental agency on the final day of your vacation to add the friend as an authorized driver.  The key here is to arrive at twilight, when the lighting in the parking lot is very poor.

Step #7.  Put on the performance of your life when talking to the agent.  When adding the new driver, pretend that he is simply more comfortable buying a single day's worth of insurance.  Then, pretend to let him talk you into buying full coverage protection.

Step #8.  When the agent tells you she needs to do a visual inspection of the vehicle, resist the urge to wet yourself, scream like a little girl, and/or run out of the building.  Instead, calmly make a joke about wrecking the vehicle (as if that could happen!!!) - this will really add to your story.

• 8(a).  Completely expect to be nominated for an Academy Award at some future point for your performance.
• 8(b).  Eventually recognize that said performance had little to do with acting skill.  It is amazing what a cheapskate will do to save a buck.  It is more a reflection of a personality flaw than a talent.

Step #9.  When agent isn't looking, wipe sweat from brow, and begin whatever form of prayer you practice.

Step #10.  Assuming your vehicle passes the inspection in the poor lighting, fill out a few forms, and pay the small fee for a single day of insurance.

Step #11.  Later on, drop off the vehicle as quickly as possible, and board your plane home.  Did that really just happen?  Minus the one day's worth of insurance, you are off scot-free.  Net savings: approximately 97%.

Step #12.  Use the 6-hour plane ride to ponder what part of your soul has been hiding that kind of fiendish behavior all these years.  Eventually, shrug it off and consider yourself extremely lucky.